Cognitive dissonance shows the lie we choose when truth costs too much
We deny truth because seeing would collapse the story we built our lives around.
There’s a moment - quiet, almost imperceptible - when the body knows. A subtle clench in the gut. A shift in breath. The silence between two words that don’t align.
That’s the moment of fracture. Not because someone else lied, but because something inside us knew—and we chose not to see it.
We call this cognitive dissonance—but that term is too clean. What it really is… is a split from inner resonance.
“Cognitive dissonance... is the inability of the mind to see another perspective on a situation, being strongly focused on receiving confirmation of its beliefs. This is unrelated to IQ or awareness. We all are subject to cognitive dissonance reactions to avoid any perspective that makes us too uncomfortable. The main thing that blocks us: we think of ourselves as honest people who can see through deception. Admitting that we might have been wrong is a tough one to make.” (The Ripple Effect)
I’ve experienced this in ways that still sting.
I knew something was off the moment we met. Not a loud alarm, just a subtle tightness in my chest, a pause in my breath, a knowing I didn’t want to know. But I brushed it aside. I opened. I hoped. I built connection on what I wanted to feel, not what was actually there.
What unfolded later didn’t shock me, it simply confirmed what I had felt all along: that the space between us was never fully transparent. Not necessarily through lies, but through what remained unspoken. Through the way truth was softened, avoided, shaped to preserve closeness.
And I did the same. I held back what I sensed, waited for clarity instead of naming it, and called that patience.
But it wasn’t patience. It was dissonance: the quiet fracture between my knowing and my behavior. Not because I didn’t feel the truth, but because I couldn’t yet live with what that truth would require me to change.
And it doesn’t only play out in intimacy.
For years, I asked the online world to meet my work. I showed up with clarity, depth, precision. I poured out what I knew was real. And yet—I waited for a response that never came.
“Because we have become mind-driven societies, this effect happens on a massive scale. Even without a valid confirmation, we defend ourselves for our actions, convincing others more strongly that we made the right choice. Deep down we ignore the itch that something feels off, we know we made a wrong decision but fear to admit it.” (The Ripple Effect)
I wasn’t seeking likes. I was seeking proof that this world still had the capacity to see. And when it didn’t, I held on. I adjusted, refined, posted again.
Not because I didn’t trust my signal—but because I still held the belief that one day, the system would reflect what it was never able to show, because it can only reflect itself, through me.
That is the lie I chose—and we all do, again and again.
We hope for a world in peace, while our inner turmoil and dishonesty gives a reflection of a chaotic world in war. Still a lie. A subtle one. A hopeful one. But still—a lie.
“This effect runs deeper than most of us realize. It is a mixture of trusting and not questioning the source, the repeating of a message and the rationalizing mind that finds reasons to confirm the message... Our rationalizing mind prefers calm waters, rather than risk a system to be questioned. Then what? That question is too big, so we avoid it.” (The Ripple Effect)
We’re not afraid of being wrong. We’re afraid that if we are, the whole structure will collapse. And then what? Then we are left with the responsibility of rebuilding something true.
This is not just personal. This is a collective trance.
“The cognitive dissonance reaction is highly active in a lower vibrating state. When there is fear, we lose our objective and critical thinking abilities, as all our energy and strength is focussed on our old instinctive reaction of fight, flight, or freeze... Combine that with cognitive dissonance and a whole world is hypnotized.” (The Ripple Effect)
We see leaders avoid truth, and we justify. We sense institutions failing, and we wait. We know systems are no longer serving life, and we tell ourselves, “They’re doing their best. They’ll fix it soon.”
But what if they don’t?
“This is how free nations turn into dictatorial regimes. The people trust and wait.” (The Ripple Effect)
Milton Mayer, quoting a German civilian after WWII, said:
“You wait for one great shocking occasion, thinking that others… will join with you in resisting somehow. But the one great shocking occasion… never comes. Each step prepares you not to be shocked by the next… And one day, too late, your principles… all rush in upon you. The burden of self-deception has grown too heavy.”
This is not history. This is now.
Cognitive dissonance doesn’t dissolve because we find better information. It dissolves when the cost of continuing the lie finally outweighs the fear of losing the life we built around it.
“Realizing and admitting that our laws and judiciary system might not be working objectively is perhaps our greatest deception. Because if that is not working well, who or what is protecting us?” (The Ripple Effect)
This is our real work: To stop asking the world to reflect what it cannot. To stop performing belief in systems that no longer serve life. To stop waiting for permission to name what we already know.
Because freedom doesn’t come from being right. It comes from being real.
And that begins when we no longer choose the lie, even when truth costs us everything.
If you want to explore more, my book is available here: The Ripple Effect, know how powerful you are
Presence, alignment, and coherence aren’t luxuries, but leadership. More at www.luciennekoops.com
Rooted within. Building beyond